In a cost-cutting measure being embraced by many tech companies, the luxury buses that have become ubiquitous in many SF neighborhoods may soon be replaced by panel vans and pickup trucks. Instead of a set schedule and pickup route, hopeful tech workers will now wait on corners of busy intersections and vie for limited space in the trucks. “It just makes sense for us.” said a Google representative. “We only want the most capable and motivated tech workers. If they’re there early and they look capable, they work. If they’re late or they’re drunk, they don’t.”
Google has said that their plan is the future of tech worker transportation, and believes they can learn from other company’s mistakes. “Amazon’s airborne drone employee pickup program was just a disaster.” said the Google rep, referring to the retail company’s attempt to pick up employees from their homes by airborne drones to carry them to their offices. Especially controversial was their policy of forcibly removing employees from the office by drone when their productivity dropped off.
Local neighborhood groups are not happy about the crowds of tech workers gathering on their sidewalks. “I just don’t feel comfortable with them hanging around, with their backpacks and glasses.” says one neighbor. “I think when you move to a neighborhood it’s important that you try to assimilate to the local culture, that’s all.”
The tech workers themselves seem resigned to the new method of transportation, though they have their gripes. One engineer explained, “We’re expected to bring our own tools. For me, this means a rack of servers. And you know, it’s not easy to carry that onto the back of a truck. But a job’s a job.”
Looking for the city’s best sushis? See where all the tastemakers are eating the trendiest rolls.
Hello fellow San Franciscans! Over the past year or so, we’ve shared in your joy and laughter as The Sans Serif has brought joy and laughter to so many computer screens. From “San Francisco Restaurant Bucket List” to “Priced Out Of SF, Thought You Could Move To Mars? Think Again.”, The Sans Serif was nothing short of the funniest website in San Francisco, period.
When we learned that founders Joel Finkelstein and Chelsea Seiderman were considering throwing in the towel, we knew that someone needed to step in and say “Hey you guys – pump the brakes!” So with a plausible cash infusion from our investing firm, Tennis & Plaid, The Sans Serif was back in business.
Our next steps will be to engage with the former writing staff of The Sans Serif and talk about what was working well and what could be improved upon. Some of the potential new revenue stream concepts we’ve tossed around include a dubstep band, corporate event planning, ComicCon, apps, The Space Station, and a bagel eating contest.
We expect great things in the coming weeks, so stay tuned to The Sans Serif!
– Brad Plaid & Dennis Tennis, Tennis & Plaid LLC
Since we started, The Sans Serif has endeavored to loyally accommodate San Franciscans here and there, whether native born or newly arrived. We possess a great zeal for the Bay Area and all the things that it has to offer — and have had lots of LOLs sharing our ardor with you. Together we have built a strong community of partners, contributors, and followers. However, we have contrived the burdensome conclusion to end activities. It’s been a great run and we conspicuously praise everyone who has supported us along the way.
Bay Area rents are soaring, and so it’s no wonder that some residents would look to the skies for housing options. With gas prices falling, and commutes becoming more affordable, living on Mars and working in San Francisco is considered a viable choice for some.
While considered a hot destination, an expert tells us otherwise. “Mars is a harsh, cold world. It is much colder than Earth; but then, it is also farther from the sun. The small, barren planet also has a thin atmosphere that is 95 percent carbon dioxide.”
We should also mention the costs, which may be considered astronomical. “After discussions with potential suppliers for each component and close examination, Mars One estimates the cost of putting the first four people on Mars at six billion US$,” says one Mars travel resource. “The six billion figure is the cost of all the hardware combined, plus the operational expenditures, plus margins. For every next manned mission, Mars One estimates the costs at four billion US$.”
Mars has two moons, Phobos and Deimos, which some are calling the Brooklyn to Mars’ Manhattan. Looking further still, Jupiter has at least 63 known moons, which could be considered the next Oakland.
With the recent rise of floodwaters in the San Francisco Bay Area, it was inevitable that the entrepreneurial spirit of the city would find a way to get involved. Uber, no stranger to controversy, has drawn fire for their latest offering, a ride sharing service they’ve dubbed “U-Boats”. Marketed towards the affluent and stranded, Uber’s boat service has been plagued with problems since its launch. “My shoes got wet!” tweeted one user hailing from the Marina. Another posted to Yelp, “I got seasick and my driver used salty language.”
Uber’s response has been measured. “While we understand that there may be a few bad apples out there, we’re confident that our service will overcome these setbacks.” In fact, their offering has already proven more successful than their competitors. Lyft’s floodwater ride sharing services involved little more than driving cars with giant eyeptaches over one headlight, and was met with both flooded engines and legal woes. Sidecar’s rubber rafts and inner tubes fared little better. “Uber does seem to be coming out on top with this one,” noted one tech industry analyst, “but women should think twice before boarding an Uber boat. Because of the implication.”
Add another local shop to the growing list of businesses forced to close because of rising rents. Woodever, San Francisco’s first and only reclaimed reclaimed wood shop, may be closing its doors for good.
“It’s sad, but that’s life. Turns out there wasn’t that much demand for railroad ties made from planter boxes.” says co-founder Kevin Bryan. “The railroad company wouldn’t take my calls. I never got past the secretary.”
Price points may have been an issue. Though their wood is locally sourced and impeccably curated, their hand-crafted wooden loading pallets have not been popular with Bay Area grocery stores. “At one point there was a deal in the works to build a barn using bar surfaces and countertops from urban coffee shops,” Bryan explains. “But that fell through too.”
“We’re not giving up yet,” he adds. “Woodever.”
Its official – orange and black is the new Orange Is the New Black. Seemingly overnight, from DIY home decorations to grocery store candy aisles, it looks like everyone is getting into the spirit of the San Francisco Giants playoff run.
Gum drops, yum. I wonder if the black one is licorice…
Correct us if we’re wrong, but wasn’t the Brachs logo pink and white? I wonder why the change of heart. In any case, we’re not complaining.
Pumpkins have always been orange, but this year we’re seeing them out in full force in support of our team.
Can you get more San Francisco than Dia de los Muertes candy skulls? Oh yeah you can, by making them ORANGE AND BLACK.
For the Etsy crowd, we’ve got these old timey candy canes done up in Giants colors. Together we are crafty.
Looks like we’ve got all the orange and black snacks we need for our playoff watching parties. Thanks, America – go Giants!
It’s October, and that means two things for San Francisco. One is that its time to start thinking about your costume for Halloween – and the other is that it’s time to start thinking about your outfit for Treasure Island. This year’s jeans festival features Washed Out, Bleached, and White Denim. What will YOU wear?
Washed Out – a classic look, washed-out jeans are having a moment with the emergence of ‘normcore’. Get your Seinfeld on!
Bleached – this throwback will remind you of some of your favorite pants from the ’80s and ’90s.
White Denim – while white denim may have had its heyday a decade ago with pants such as the White Stripes and Andrew WK, many continue to still rock it. But at Treasure Island, a word to the wise – beware of grass stains.
Burritos have been enjoyed by San Franciscans ever since the 1960s, but it took until now for nerds to not only quantify them into lifeless (and ultimately inedible) numbers, but also to make one burrito place so crowded as to render the burritos inaccessible. Luckily for the rest of us who knew about burritos prior to this week, there are options. “I can still get a burrito from at least ten other places within a two-block radius.” said one former patron of La Taqueria, the “winner” of the nerds’ internet math contest. “Uh-oh, I said ‘radius’, I hope they didn’t hear that.”