The summer might be coming to a close, but the San Francisco summer is just getting started. With the state in its worst drought in history, it’s time to start thinking about how we could all be doing our part to conserve water.

Switch from coffee to Adderall.

The ocean, man. It’s, like, right there.

Your body is 80% water. Try watering your lawn with your own blood.

Empty lakes and reservoirs make great skate parks, so grab your boards and get ready to shred!

And on the bright side, if our lakes and reservoirs are at 10% of their water capacity, that means they’re at 1000% fish capacity.

Change your bongwater no more often than twice a day.

Spay and neuter your houseplants.

Wash your car in the pool.

With heavy rain forcing organizers of the popular Burning Man event to close its gates on opening day, many festival goers are viewing the rain as a sign from heaven and reconsidering their plans for the week. “We’d become so enmeshed in our noncommercial alternative lifestyle, we’d lost sight of what makes this whole thing possible: money. What we’ve been looking for might have been right in front of us the whole time.” said one Bay Area denizen standing by his car on the side of the road. “Let’s play some cards!”

In fact, the combination of Tom Cruise’s morally bankrupt yuppie and Dustin Hoffman’s autistic math genius might be a perfect encapsulation of the Silicon Valley elite that now finds itself stranded in the middle of the Nevada desert. One would-be Burner expostulated it this way: “If you could take everyone here and harness their raw greed and ambition with this crowd’s analytical understanding of complex systems, we could take down every casino in Reno.” Said another, “Of course I don’t have my underwear. I’m definitely not wearing my underwear.”

This isn’t your father’s San Francisco.

Gone are the rank-and-file suits toting their briefcases on BART trains to jobs in journalism, finance, and microchip engineering, then congregating in local pubs to share stories and song. A new creative class has risen, bubbling with youthful energy, shaping a vibrant new world as they telecommute to their roles in A/B testing, content aggregation, and clickbait headline writing. But where do these New Creatives turn when their tanks run low? Where do they find that extra boost to visualize the Next Big Idea?

Enter Prop 215.

Increasingly, San Francisco’s New Thinkers are eschewing the bars (indeed, many former urban professional haunts such as Pop’s and The Attic have already been shuttered) and are heading straight for the “dispensary,” telling the bright-eyed clerk to “fill ’er up,” and getting back to the joyful work of changing the internet, one “pre-roll” at a time.

In San Francisco, change is the only constant. But if you live here, you already knew that.

So grab your doctor’s recommendation and follow us inside the club for a “deep dive” into which cannabis strains are fueling the innovations of tomorrow.

Name: Breastmilk
Classification: White Indica
Taste: Dandelion, Cream, Walnut, Egg Yolk
Effects: Anxiety Relief, Muscle Relaxant, Pair Bonding
Conditions Treated: Insomnia, Disinvestment, Estrangement

2014 Cannabis Cup runner-up, this strain has been incredibly popular with couples and with young brand managers living far away from home.

Name: Godfather 3
Classification: Super-Sativa
Taste: Orange Rind, Peat Moss, Lead, Sulfur
Effects: Creativity, Alliteration, Strategic Thought
Conditions Treated: ADHD, Poor Hygiene, Perceived Lack of Agency

Initially bred by Jimmy Herer (nephew of Jack) but never entered into formal competition for fear of unfairly negative reviews, this strain is noted for its ability to place external power structures in context, and to allow the patient to realize that all perception is bound by personal narratives.

Name: Poison Oak
Classification: Hybrid Graft
Taste: Tart Berries, Red Clay, Bay Leaves
Effects: Animism, Psychic Purging, Dissociation
Conditions Treated: Exercise Addiction, Fear-Based Decision-Making, Inertia

Medicating just once with this variety will result in permanent immunity to cannabis smoke, but users of this strain insist that the trade-off is worth it.

Name: Otto’s Jacket
Classification: Indica Ore
Taste: Tar, Firewood, Hay

This strain is known for its long-lasting smoke and is sometimes called “PBR with seeds” as it provides the patient with a vehicle for frictionless travel on the axis between class warfare and nostalgia. Possibly placebo.

Time will tell what trends tomorrow holds, but for now it appears that the New Creative Class — and the medical cannabis dispensaries of which they are so fond — are here to stay. And who knows: maybe today’s young creative professionals will use their social media influence to get the rest of America in on the action.

And that means Dad, too.