Category Archives: Featured

tennis & plaid

Welcome Back to The Sans Serif: A Letter From Brad Plaid & Dennis Tennis

Hello fellow San Franciscans! Over the past year or so, we’ve shared in your joy and laughter as The Sans Serif has brought joy and laughter to so many computer screens. From “San Francisco Restaurant Bucket List” to “Priced Out Of SF, Thought You Could Move To Mars? Think Again.”, The Sans Serif was nothing short of the funniest website in San Francisco, period.

When we learned that founders Joel Finkelstein and Chelsea Seiderman were considering throwing in the towel, we knew that someone needed to step in and say “Hey you guys – pump the brakes!” So with a plausible cash infusion from our investing firm, Tennis & Plaid, The Sans Serif was back in business.

Our next steps will be to engage with the former writing staff of The Sans Serif and talk about what was working well and what could be improved upon. Some of the potential new revenue stream concepts we’ve tossed around include a dubstep band, corporate event planning, ComicCon, apps, The Space Station, and a bagel eating contest.

We expect great things in the coming weeks, so stay tuned to The Sans Serif!

– Brad Plaid & Dennis Tennis, Tennis & Plaid LLC

About The Sans Serif

Since we started, The Sans Serif has endeavored to loyally accommodate San Franciscans here and there, whether native born or newly arrived. We possess a great zeal for the Bay Area and all the things that it has to offer — and have had lots of LOLs sharing our ardor with you. Together we have built a strong community of partners, contributors, and followers. However, we have contrived the burdensome conclusion to end activities. It’s been a great run and we conspicuously praise everyone who has supported us along the way.

Priced Out Of SF, Thought You Could Move To Mars? Think Again.

Bay Area rents are soaring, and so it’s no wonder that some residents would look to the skies for housing options. With gas prices falling, and commutes becoming more affordable, living on Mars and working in San Francisco is considered a viable choice for some.

While considered a hot destination, an expert tells us otherwise. “Mars is a harsh, cold world. It is much colder than Earth; but then, it is also farther from the sun. The small, barren planet also has a thin atmosphere that is 95 percent carbon dioxide.”

We should also mention the costs, which may be considered astronomical. “After discussions with potential suppliers for each component and close examination, Mars One estimates the cost of putting the first four people on Mars at six billion US$,” says one Mars travel resource. “The six billion figure is the cost of all the hardware combined, plus the operational expenditures, plus margins. For every next manned mission, Mars One estimates the costs at four billion US$.”

Mars has two moons, Phobos and Deimos, which some are calling the Brooklyn to Mars’ Manhattan. Looking further still, Jupiter has at least 63 known moons, which could be considered the next Oakland.

New Uber Service ‘U-Boats’ Attracts Controversy

With the recent rise of floodwaters in the San Francisco Bay Area, it was inevitable that the entrepreneurial spirit of the city would find a way to get involved. Uber, no stranger to controversy, has drawn fire for their latest offering, a ride sharing service they’ve dubbed “U-Boats”. Marketed towards the affluent and stranded, Uber’s boat service has been plagued with problems since its launch. “My shoes got wet!” tweeted one user hailing from the Marina. Another posted to Yelp, “I got seasick and my driver used salty language.”

Uber’s response has been measured. “While we understand that there may be a few bad apples out there, we’re confident that our service will overcome these setbacks.” In fact, their offering has already proven more successful than their competitors. Lyft’s floodwater ride sharing services involved little more than driving cars with giant eyeptaches over one headlight, and was met with both flooded engines and legal woes. Sidecar’s rubber rafts and inner tubes fared little better. “Uber does seem to be coming out on top with this one,” noted one tech industry analyst, “but women should think twice before boarding an Uber boat. Because of the implication.”

Is Local Business Woodever Closing For Good?

Add another local shop to the growing list of businesses forced to close because of rising rents. Woodever, San Francisco’s first and only reclaimed reclaimed wood shop, may be closing its doors for good.

“It’s sad, but that’s life. Turns out there wasn’t that much demand for railroad ties made from planter boxes.” says co-founder Kevin Bryan. “The railroad company wouldn’t take my calls. I never got past the secretary.”

Price points may have been an issue. Though their wood is locally sourced and impeccably curated, their hand-crafted wooden loading pallets have not been popular with Bay Area grocery stores. “At one point there was a deal in the works to build a barn using bar surfaces and countertops from urban coffee shops,” Bryan explains. “But that fell through too.”

“We’re not giving up yet,” he adds. “Woodever.”

Nation Catches Giants Playoff Fever – Orange and Black Everywhere

Its official – orange and black is the new Orange Is the New Black. Seemingly overnight, from DIY home decorations to grocery store candy aisles, it looks like everyone is getting into the spirit of the San Francisco Giants playoff run.

Gum drops

Gum drops, yum. I wonder if the black one is licorice…


Correct us if we’re wrong, but wasn’t the Brachs logo pink and white? I wonder why the change of heart. In any case, we’re not complaining.


Pumpkins have always been orange, but this year we’re seeing them out in full force in support of our team.


Can you get more San Francisco than Dia de los Muertes candy skulls? Oh yeah you can, by making them ORANGE AND BLACK.

Candy cane

For the Etsy crowd, we’ve got these old timey candy canes done up in Giants colors. Together we are crafty.


Looks like we’ve got all the orange and black snacks we need for our playoff watching parties. Thanks, America – go Giants!

Is The Y2K Virus Making a Comeback With Millenials?

The Y2K virus made headlines in 1999, when it set off a wave of panic over potentially catastrophic computer system failures. Those fears proved to be largely unfounded, but a new worry has cropped up recently. Many young people today were not online in 1999 when the virus first appeared, and experts fear that this younger generation of ‘millenials’ may be susceptible to the virus.

One expert cautions, “It’s a perfect storm. These so-called millenials weren’t exposed to Y2K the first time around and haven’t developed the necessary antibodies to combat the virus. Their near-total dependence on technology makes them especially vulnerable.”

Yet another compounding factor is the ’90s nostalgia that’s become fashionable among the younger twenty-somethings who were just kids when Y2K was something their parents were worried about. “First you had the ’90s hip-hop revival, where you couldn’t go out on a Saturday night in some neighborhoods without hearing Bel Biv Devoe,” explained one fashion blogger. “Next thing you know, everyone’s buttoning the top collar of their button-down shirts. But it doesn’t stop there. There’s a dangerous side to the late ’90s, and if Backstreet is really back, these kids need to know the risks.”

Drought Tips For Smarter Water Use

The summer might be coming to a close, but the San Francisco summer is just getting started. With the state in its worst drought in history, it’s time to start thinking about how we could all be doing our part to conserve water.

Switch from coffee to Adderall.
adderall-dubcomusic-com (1)

The ocean, man. It’s, like, right there.
BigSurBeaches3 (1)

Your body is 80% water. Try watering your lawn with your own blood.
waterman (1)

Empty lakes and reservoirs make great skate parks, so grab your boards and get ready to shred!

And on the bright side, if our lakes and reservoirs are at 10% of their water capacity, that means they’re at 1000% fish capacity.
AX250_69A2_9 (1)

Change your bongwater no more often than twice a day.
Dirty Bong Pre-Chronic Glow 1 (1)

Spay and neuter your houseplants.
spider (1)

Wash your car in the pool.
20080704__070408-sub-Car-in-Pool-1 (1)

Burning Man Becomes Rain Man, Heads to Casinos

With heavy rain forcing organizers of the popular Burning Man event to close its gates on opening day, many festival goers are viewing the rain as a sign from heaven and reconsidering their plans for the week. “We’d become so enmeshed in our noncommercial alternative lifestyle, we’d lost sight of what makes this whole thing possible: money. What we’ve been looking for might have been right in front of us the whole time.” said one Bay Area denizen standing by his car on the side of the road. “Let’s play some cards!”

In fact, the combination of Tom Cruise’s morally bankrupt yuppie and Dustin Hoffman’s autistic math genius might be a perfect encapsulation of the Silicon Valley elite that now finds itself stranded in the middle of the Nevada desert. One would-be Burner expostulated it this way: “If you could take everyone here and harness their raw greed and ambition with this crowd’s analytical understanding of complex systems, we could take down every casino in Reno.” Said another, “Of course I don’t have my underwear. I’m definitely not wearing my underwear.”

What Weed Strains Are Fueling Tomorrow’s Innovations?

This isn’t your father’s San Francisco.

Gone are the rank-and-file suits toting their briefcases on BART trains to jobs in journalism, finance, and microchip engineering, then congregating in local pubs to share stories and song. A new creative class has risen, bubbling with youthful energy, shaping a vibrant new world as they telecommute to their roles in A/B testing, content aggregation, and clickbait headline writing. But where do these New Creatives turn when their tanks run low? Where do they find that extra boost to visualize the Next Big Idea?

Enter Prop 215.


Increasingly, San Francisco’s New Thinkers are eschewing the bars (indeed, many former urban professional haunts such as Pop’s and The Attic have already been shuttered) and are heading straight for the “dispensary,” telling the bright-eyed clerk to “fill ’er up,” and getting back to the joyful work of changing the internet, one “pre-roll” at a time.

In San Francisco, change is the only constant. But if you live here, you already knew that.

So grab your doctor’s recommendation and follow us inside the club for a “deep dive” into which cannabis strains are fueling the innovations of tomorrow.


Name: Breastmilk
Classification: White Indica
Taste: Dandelion, Cream, Walnut, Egg Yolk
Effects: Anxiety Relief, Muscle Relaxant, Pair Bonding
Conditions Treated: Insomnia, Disinvestment, Estrangement

2014 Cannabis Cup runner-up, this strain has been incredibly popular with couples and with young brand managers living far away from home.


Name: Godfather 3
Classification: Super-Sativa
Taste: Orange Rind, Peat Moss, Lead, Sulfur
Effects: Creativity, Alliteration, Strategic Thought
Conditions Treated: ADHD, Poor Hygiene, Perceived Lack of Agency

Initially bred by Jimmy Herer (nephew of Jack) but never entered into formal competition for fear of unfairly negative reviews, this strain is noted for its ability to place external power structures in context, and to allow the patient to realize that all perception is bound by personal narratives.


Name: Poison Oak
Classification: Hybrid Graft
Taste: Tart Berries, Red Clay, Bay Leaves
Effects: Animism, Psychic Purging, Dissociation
Conditions Treated: Exercise Addiction, Fear-Based Decision-Making, Inertia

Medicating just once with this variety will result in permanent immunity to cannabis smoke, but users of this strain insist that the trade-off is worth it.

manurebrick-011 (1)

Name: Otto’s Jacket
Classification: Indica Ore
Taste: Tar, Firewood, Hay

This strain is known for its long-lasting smoke and is sometimes called “PBR with seeds” as it provides the patient with a vehicle for frictionless travel on the axis between class warfare and nostalgia. Possibly placebo.


Time will tell what trends tomorrow holds, but for now it appears that the New Creative Class — and the medical cannabis dispensaries of which they are so fond — are here to stay. And who knows: maybe today’s young creative professionals will use their social media influence to get the rest of America in on the action.

And that means Dad, too.